This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
