drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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