It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
