is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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