I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
