I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
