I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
