Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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