he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I could fuck to npr.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm gonna fight the coyote
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
