I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
