It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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