I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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