Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
