I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
