Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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