she woke up with a sticky ear
sarcasm needs its own font
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
