how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
