but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
