I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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