It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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