do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
