so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
