It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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