Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
