he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
