I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
