I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
