True but thats because hes a fetus.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
