Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
