She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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