I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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