mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A+ Viking dick
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
