:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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