OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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