My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
