Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
