new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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