it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
