You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
