i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
