if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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