Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
