Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
