i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
