Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Actions speak louder than pants.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
