Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
