She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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