I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
