so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
