We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"