i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.