sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse