Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness