We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.