He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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