whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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