They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
