We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
