that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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