Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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