I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
