Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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