Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
