once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Panties = found
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
