Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
