No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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