he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
