I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
